I don’t even know where to start.
I could talk about Jack. about work. about school. friends. people. places. But I don’t know where to start. Here we go..
The Fault in our Stars. I read this book years and years ago, back when it first was released. It was good. It wasn’t an earth shattering, life changing piece of literature.. but it was enjoyable, and I sobbed through about 98% of the words as my eyes passed over them. I am also a sucker for sobbing in the middle of movies. Character got a job promotion? Breakup? Makeup? Any other mushy movie scene? sob fest.
So I was invited out for a drink at Zeitgeist after work a couple days ago with an old friend. I went. We drank, relocated to the Gold Cane after a little. Then relocated again to a floor near you! (cheesy smile, wink, change the channel)
We were talking about The Fault in our Stars, and ended up going to watch it together. It was good (we turned it off). I watched it again today. Sob fest, natch. I guess this is how rebounds go, but I really like him alot. I mean, I did before also but it just never seemed to happen I guess. Until now.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to jump into a relationship after just recently getting out of one. What I like about “this” - if it is even a “this” at all - is that I get to explore something new and unexplored without a whole lot of expectation. I don’t feel the need to rush or over do it at all; its nice.
Now, I am a believer in the whole “everything happens for a reason” schtick. Karma, all of it. I think this movie came up, and this person came back into my life, all for a reason. The movie helped me appreciate the little things. You never really know whats going on in another persons life until, well, you know. And of course - the biggest part of that movie - everything can be taken away all at once, all in an instant. Enjoy the time you have. The company I had watching the movie the first time, he helped me pick myself back up and realize that I’m not worthless. Sometimes hearing it from someone else, someone that you thought for sure was gone for good, it helps to start picking up the pieces and putting them back together.
The thing about sobbing during a movie like the fault in our stars is that it isn’t tears of pain for yourself, you cry because of being emotionally moved from the characters, and from your empathy and understanding of their situation. It’s comforting, it makes you more human just to let it all out. I realized while watching The Fault in our Stars that I deserve the type of love you see in the movies. I deserve to be happy, and then.. I was.
For the first time in a long time, I am happy.
I feel like I can move forward to whatever comes next without worrying.
I can keep the past in the past and look forward to the future.
I can live in the present and enjoy what I have now.
The little things in life.